Part One—Sexual Addiction
By Steve Gallagher
There are many people today who become addicted to compulsive sexual behavior. An addiction is a constellation of unbiblical habits of thinking and acting that have become a lifestyle. Thus, there are those who develop a lifestyle of sexual gratification and become addicted to the “high” associated with sexual activity just as others become addicted to the euphoria of alcohol or drugs. When people over-emphasize the importance of sex in their lives, it begins to dictate a lifestyle to them, and they become obsessed with thoughts of sex. Eventually they lose control of how often, with whom, and under what circumstances they will engage in sex. They become enslaved to compulsive sexual behavior. What begins as “just having a little fun” or “satisfying normal urges,” gradually lures them deeper and deeper into the mire of bondage. If continued without repentance, Romans 1:28 tells us that God will give them over to a reprobate mind.
As the neighborhood drug pusher entices someone with free marijuana, with the intention of leading him in the direction of hard core drugs, so will Satan subtly lure an unwitting victim into his clutches with a few satisfying sexual experiences. However, Hebrews 11:25 promises that the pleasure of sin will last only for a season. In a later chapter, I will discuss how Satan masterfully uses fantasy, especially through pornography, to dangle the proverbial carrot in front of his victim’s nose.
SPECIAL ROUTINES
As the addiction tightens its grip on the victim, he enters into special routines or rituals to which he becomes accustomed. The man in the habit of watching pornographic movies might begin by browsing the magazine racks in an adult bookstore for awhile. As his lust heightens, he may venture to the movie arcade, a dimly lit room located in the rear of the bookstore. From there he might go from booth to booth, searching for the perfect movie (his ultimate fantasy) until he finally satisfies his lust. I can personally identify with this particular ritual. I, too, would go into an adult bookstore and “size it up” by walking around the video booths, looking at the movie advertisements for each one. Then I would methodically go from booth to booth, saving the one that most appealed to me for last.
A stepfather who is a practicing child molester would have a completely different routine. He may (or may not) start off by looking at pornography. Eventually, though, he will sneak into the child’s bedroom where he will act out his lust.
An exhibitionist usually acts out his routine in the confines of a car. He might be driving to a store when the idea of exposing himself to a girl enters his mind. He immediately becomes preoccupied with the thought until finally he acts out his fantasy in front of some unsuspecting victim.
The indecent phone caller’s routine closely resembles that of the exhibitionist’s, except that his ritual is done over the phone. As he dials telephone numbers, the caller will become aroused at the thought of reaching some woman who is naive enough to listen to what he says. This is when his lust will be fulfilled.
The voyeur, “peeping Tom,” will cruise streets for hours in hopes of finding a window that might provide some excitement. After he anxiously waits, for perhaps hours at a time, finally a glimpse of flesh will enter his visual field. This eyeful brings about the culmination of his lust.
A “John” may act out his routine by cruising the “red-light” district, a haven for prostitutes. Captivated by the whole scene, he slowly cruises by each girl, carefully examining her. He begins to fantasize and lust builds up in his heart. Finally, one will catch his interest for whatever reason, and he will seek out her services for the evening.
The compulsive homosexual might act out his routine in one of several ways. Usually he will go to the local “gay” bar where he will flirt around until he finds the “right” person. Or he might choose to go to an adult movie arcade where there will be “straight” or bisexual men who will welcome his services. There he will go from man to man throughout the night until he finally tires and finds some way to achieve enjoyment for himself.
All of these different people share one thing in common: they have allowed unbiblical thinking to dominate their lives to the point that they have become addicted to their behavior. Their actual routines may differ but they all have a distinct or observable pattern which eventually leads to their “acting out” sexually.
VICIOUS CYCLE OF SIN
Once an individual becomes addicted to sex, he enters into a vicious cycle of self-destruction and degradation. It appears that the more compulsive or perverted his sexual behavior is, the harsher society is in labeling and judging him because of it.Consequently, his whole life is consumed with guilt and shame. This is especially true of those persons who come from a Christian background or who are actively involved in their local church. As time progresses, many things begin to happen in the sex addict’s life. His sense of confidence and self-worth continually diminish, and the emptiness inside of him is magnified. As a result, he begins an intense and desperate search to fill this void in his life. Since sex has been his personal elixir to which he has turned during previous times of despair, just as a drunk turns to his liquor bottle, the sex addict will pursue the object of his desire. Unfortunately, after fleeing to sex to find comfort or simply a “quick-fix,” he only manages to heap more shame and despair upon himself -- the pit becomes deeper, the darkness even blacker.
He starts building up walls around himself. As the need to protect himself grows, he further alienates himself from his loved ones; thus, they begin to feel helpless in reaching him. They cannot understand what is happening to him or why they are unable to communicate with him. This is one of the differences between an alcoholic and a sexual addict. It is a rare thing for an alcoholic’s drinking to be a secret. It generally does not take long for people to discover an alcoholic’s drinking problem. They can even understand why the drunk alienates himself; with the sexual addict, people often have no idea of what is going on and cannot understand his behavior.
PARANOID
Another phenomenon the sexual addict faces is paranoia, imagining that others know about his secret behavior. I remember once leaving an adult bookstore, after committing an act of lust, when a police car went screaming by me in the direction from which I had come. In my twisted thinking I imagined that they were after me! Another time, while on the way to an adult bookstore, I saw a carload of my friends. Although I steered the car away from the bookstore, I just knew that I would be branded a pervert from that day on. In reality, neither the police nor my friends had any idea of what I was doing.
In addition to paranoia, there is the deep shame that sexual addicts live with daily. I felt like such a hypocrite when I would go to church. I always had a nagging feeling that the people in church somehow knew what I was doing in secret. When I finally began walking in victory, it was liberating to be able to look people right in the eye, knowing I had nothing to hide. As Proverbs 28:1 declares, “The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are bold as a lion.”
ALL GROUPS AFFECTED
Sexual addiction/bondage transcends all socioeconomic, racial and ethnic groups. The idea of the sexual deviant being a filthy little man that crawls out from under some rock has been dispelled in recent years as increasingly more “respectable” personalities are discovered in compromising situations. In fact, the more highly respectable an addict is in his outward life, the more shame he is likely to incur and the greater his fear of discovery and exposure