Pain in the hearts and minds of people addicted.

Do you think pornography doesn't hurt anyone? Read on:

Names withheld. Updated 11/5/03

Hello, I just wanted to thank you for your site and ask that you would pray for me. I have fallen back into the habit of internet pornography. I am a minister and the shame and anger I feel is very real. I am disgusted with myself and feeling hopeless. I have had periods of victory, but never more than a few months at a time. God have mercy upon me.

This iniquity has reared its ugly face in my life again. i REFUSE TO BE BEAT ' N'. God deliverd me from crack and is using me as an evangelist. The enemy knows that this is a familuar spirirt for me. I am finding that it is every bit as addictive as crack.But whome the Son sets free is free indeed! I'm gonna be praying and fasting and would aprecciate if you would do the same for me. I am not going to condemn myself and do the devils job for him, but I also will not embrace a seared conscios.

Hello,I am writing to you obviously because i have slowly become addicted to pornography (it sounds so bad to say it). I am a christian who since day 1 of my life have lived in the church (Coptic orthodox church). I used to go to church at least 3 times a week, loved praying, serving reading striving, fasting etc. In addition my Lord Jesus Christ helps me in every aspect of my life, the major one being my study, i gain all my strength all i am from God. However its all gone, years of building a relationship with Christ, teaching others about Christ being an extremely productive happy guy. I've been addicted for about 2 months, I'm close to failing my course for this year (which i used to be one of the very best students) my personaility is empty, i havnt prayed nor gone to church for about 5 months i have never ever ever felt as empty and disgusting as i do now. I've tryed to stop but I've been overcome it now not me that sins but that the sin lives within me and part of my heart, that is well established. I've told my confession father, and i guess he helped a bit but i feel to much shame to see him anymorw and i feel he thinks so much less of me now. I beg you on my knees begging you to pray to our Lord Jesus Christ to give me the strength to repent with all my heart, for forgivness, i want my life back.Your brother in Christ.

Hello- I stumbled onto your site a few months ago and it has helped me off and on. I have looked at other similiar websites and have read Every Young Man's Battle a few times. I can stay strong for about 2 weeks max without any pornography (though I have gone over a month) and then I feel I need it again. I know I can win the battle but I always seem to not care much about my higher calling at the moment I am tempted after going a while wihtout it. I know I am strong enough and have shown improvement this summer, but I just seem to lack enough self control in the battle. I was just wondering if you could spare some advice for me. Thanks. ****

P.S. If you are wondering I am 15 and am about to be a sophomore in high school

I came across your site and am very intrested in your subject.I have been a christian for a long time and this has always come in between myself and my faith and recently I went to god and said that this has to be dealt with as will keep falling. So I would like to take up your offer of accountability and prayer .

Yours in christ *****

Dear friend,I am a freshman pitcher in college. I considered college to be a turning point in my life in which I could leave behind my addiction to pornography. This horrible addiction is familiar with my family. It has destroyed my father and is now destroying me too. I feel as if I have tried everything, I'm at the point of giving up because I have fought it so long. The bigger pornography gets, the more I stop dreaming about baseball and the farther I get away from the Lord. Please be the precious brother or sister in Christ and pray for me! At this point I consider each prayer more precious than Gold. ***** *****

Hi Brian. Thanks very much for your prayers. I have gotten rid of everything off of my computer but I have slipped once or twice and looked at a couple of sites. Its a tuff thing to get rid of. I have been very busy at work and school lately so that is helping me keep my mind off of impure things. I ned to get into the Word more than I have been though. It is just so tuff with my schedule right now. Please pray that I will seek Him more through His Word. Thank you Brian-

Hello Brian, I am very distresssed and frustrated due to my addiction to porn followed with compulsive masturbation .( Since 16 years ) I have tried very hard to get rid of this habit ...unfortunately each time i put in a genuine effort i have a cold turkey syndrome .Will i be able to get rid of this habit Would be greatfull if you could help me , ****

I have been struggling with pornography and sexual lusts for a long while now. I will quit looking at porn for awhile and then I get trapped back in it. I am trying so hard to get back into the Word but it is hard with work and school. I need to get closer with God. I am tired of getting trapped spending hours looking at pornography. Can you please pray for me? God Bless

I was very glad to find your site. First, let me tell you a little about myself. My name is ***** and I am 18 years old. I'm a high honor roll student and senior in high school. I excel in baseball and wrestling. I attend church every Sunday and I have done so since I was born because my parents always took me to church. I accepted Christ as my savior when I was 13. I always have been a good church person, I memorized many verses and I even got to speak in Church on Youth Sunday 2001. I am looked upon by my elders and peers as a devoted Christian and an example of how a teen is supposed to live. I really long to do what Christ calls me to do and have tried to all my life. My Dad is a very, very devoted Christian man, who is the Chairman of the Board of Elders in our church. He ha taught me much about God's word and what God calls me to do. But as I have read, I have fallen into a trap of Satan and of Today's society. One day while at my cousin Chad's house, he introduced me to playboy. I looked highly upon him, maybe that's why I got hooked. I don't really know why I started That was about two years ago. At first I didn't think much of it, or that it was so wrong for me to do. But about a six months ago I realize how wrong it was for me to look at these pictures because it was a sing against God and my own body. I realized I was being sexually immoral, which to me is the worst thing that could ever happen, the worst sin I could commit. I have really struggled with this as I know I have hurt God and all those who love me. I am trying to beat this addiction and I know I now need to tell people that I have a problem. I may lose people's trust and people may lose confidence in me. I may lose close Christian friends. My parents will feel like they have failed. But that is no one else's fault except mine and I accept all that is going to result from my actions. I just wanted to asks for you prayers in my battle and maybe even help or guidance. Thanks for making this available to me.

I am a christian and I do struggle with pornography. I need someone to be accountable to. I am at school right now, I should be studying, rather I just finished surfing for pornography on one of the isolated lab computers. I am not a new Christian, I know all the verses and and have written them out many time, sometimes I think that I have it beaten and it comes back. I am scared to tell all my friends because apart from this my realtionship with Christ is solid they would be very disappointed. Many Christians look up to me unfortunately. I am 19. Please help.

I need your help. I'm addicted to porn and my wife just caught me. Five years ago I lost my job and moved as a result of my addiction. I saw a counselor for a few months and I thought I had it licked. It raised its ugly head about a month ago.

Hello. I am struggling with a pornography addiction, and have been for some time. Even as I write this I am trying to tell myself not to bother you with this, it's not that serious, but I know it is. I need help, I need prayer. I need someone to hold me accountable. It seemed as of about a month ago, I was making some real progress. My spiritual life was growing a lot, and I felt that it was under control. But the last couple of weeks I have been drawn back in, and I am so tired of being a slave to this. I would greatly appreciate your help. Thanks

I was home this week for thanksgiving break and discussed the matter with my mother (sprit filled christian), she is really precious and she prayed with me Friday afternoon. I feel free from this bondage, but the devil is trying hard to chain me up again. The fight is far from over. Brain I cannot tell you how much it means to have a brother in Christ like yourself that has been in my situation. Just your emails and prayers give me hope to break free. Please stay in touch

I too have the problem you talk about. Suffice to say, there are no quick answers. For me, now 30, it started with abuse by my brother when I was around 10 years old. That got me started, and stopping has proved very difficult. I am beating it now with support from my wife and my Pastor.

For me the key has been admitting it is a problem to someone else - my pastor. He was great, he recognised that porn is a problem experienced by most men at some time people just don't admit to it! Having that acceptance made a real difference. I also started to work through the abuse question as well.

One of the biggest problems I have is the ready accesibility of porn via the internet. It appears when you least expect it, and just when you think you can deal with it - then you find you can't. Since this is a favourite one of Satan's tricks to convince us we are weak and unworthy of the love of Christ, the solution is to immediately confess it, and ask forgivness.

I've found that `if I get mad then I lose.' That's the time I'm most vulnerable, especially when I'm mad at my wife. Also when I'm feeling sorry for myself I'm pretty vulnerable.

Also, I have in the back of my mind the idea that I have some kind of`right' to this kind of pleasure. If my wife's too tired or not in the mood or whatever, then I get the attitude that if I can't have it with her then I'll have it without her.

Also, for me it's largely a matter of habit. I start associating certain places or times of day or whatever with this. Recently it feels like God has given me some release. I have prayed alot over the years that God would help me in this area.

I think for one thing it's a matter of realizing that God intends that we come to grips with this. He won't zap us if we don't, and his grace IS sufficient. That has to be our operating principle, otherwise we'll beat ourselves over the head every time we stumble, and we'll think it's God that's doing the beating. On the other hand, realizing that we are secure in our relationship with God, we can see that we have the opportunity to really get squared away in this area of our lives, without any pressure and with only mercy awaiting us in our weakness.

Recently a verse from Romans really struck me. It says, For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. (Rom. 6:14)

This is a weird verse. The idea here seems to be that the very fact that we're not condemned by the law is somehow helpful. I guess really the answer is to keep trying---I mean keep praying, keep bringing it before the Lord, and keep avoiding what you can. I guess also that we try in the belief that God will act---that he really intends for us to be pure and he'll do it. Anyway it's better to NOT be obsessed and enslaved. It really is.

I've gone through something like this over 10 years of happily married life. I don't know how much of my experience applies to you, but it's worth providing.

For me, quitting cold turkey, asking God for help, feeling guilty and disgusted never really accomplished anything. Talking over what I was doing and how I felt with my wife was a big step. From her I got permission to accept what I was doing, as long as it didn't involve another real live woman. A couple years in therapy for other problems was also helpful. What I eventually found was that I harbored some deep resentment and anger toward women in general and my wife in particular. Feelings that were far too threatening to accept or acknowledge, much less express. Over a long time, I found I could get upset and angry with Joan, that she didn't freak out and our relationship didn't unravel when I did so. And when that happened, I found the desire for the illicit sexual diversions just disappeared.

I have had the same such problems since I was about 12, now I'm almost 20. My past keeps coming back to haunt me, and though I've deleted my pornography collection from my computer, and threw away all the disks I can remember, I still am tempted to glance at anything that happens to come my way and frequently give in. I pray on this often, and hope that the good Lord will guide me to a solution.

I have just come to terms with the fact that I am struggling with pornography addiction more severe than that of most. I never thought I had a problem because the pornography I viewed wasn't violent or abusive in nature by human standards; now I realize that pornography is abusive to the Lord's intentions on sexuality. But I'm weak, still.

Sometimes I get discouraged whenever the lustful thoughts and whatnot come up, but something that keeps me going is Galatians 5:23; the Holy Spirit will help me gain that self-control I so desire.

You call it right when you call it addiction. I wish I had easy, fast answers to this "thorn in the flesh." I'm still in process as I discover the broken part of my life which lead to the addiction.

Know this - one of the weapons of the enemy in this battle we share is SHAME. It keeps the whole issue ( the "acting out, the ritualistic compulsions, the heart issues behind it all) in hiddenness (darkness). Coming to the Light in Jesus is the only answer. Unfortunately for our comfort level - forgiveness, repentance and healing (although freely provided through the finished work of Jesus) is not fully received by us if we remain hidden. I encourage you to find a "safe place" to come into the light. There's something about the authority and cleansing we can "mid-wife" to each other when we pronounce each other forgiven by the Blood of the Lamb

Hello, I just became a Christian about two years ago, my sophomore of college. My sin was habitual masturbation.

It has troubled me since I was about 14, I guess. When I became a Christian I knew it was wrong and I was quite ashamed of my sin. In fact, I was ashamed of it and wanted to quit long before I became a Christian.

For the next year to year and a half I would spend a week or two, up to a month once, trying to resist. ( I was trying by my own power, of course.) Every time I failed I wanted to give up Christianity because I felt I could never live up to God's standards, that He must be ashamed or angry at me. At many times my depression left me suicidal too.

This summer I was praying as hard as I could at times, demanding that God would keep His promise to free me from the power of sin. I read a lot of books this summer, and one of them was Inner Healing by Mike Flynn (spelling?) and Greg (somebody?). One of the chapters talked about spiritual warfare, like the tactics of Satan against Christians and demon-possesion. I had never given any of this a bit of thought until I saw my problems described in this book. The ideas that God could hate us for our sins was just one of the many thoughts that Satan seemed to be putting into my mind. On top of that, a big symtom of demon-possession is compulsive sin (like mine.)

It was hard to believe that I was possessed by demons, but the Bible does confirm their existence. Anyway, the book went on to talk about how one could get rid of demons ( or actually how we ask Christ to do it for us). I followed the steps as I read them, almost desperately wanting to be free.

I have not masturbated since. It is not even a struggle to stop myself, I simple don't want to anymore. I do admit that I still have some lustful thoughts. I do not daydream about having sex with women anymore. I do not dwell on my lustful thoughts, either. There was no greater gift God could have given me at that time than my freedom. I still praise and thank God for what He has done.

Shortly after getting onto the Internet I discovered that Porno garb was everywhere! Out of curiosity one day I took a peek- And what a mistake that was- within a short time I was addicted and I couldn't tear myself away. I felt horrible because I could not believe that someone such as I could have this kind of problem! I became quite depressed over it and I held a lot of fear. My fear came because of the things I know and believe to be true. And that is that, when lusting after a women you are committing adultery! And as I was in the very sin there was a saying that came to my mind, "He who sins against the greater light, receives the greater condemnation," and realizing this I became very afraid. I recall being so afraid that I actually trembled and I shook physically, my body became hot but still I felt unstoppable.

Being in my youth I feel unworthy to be in the presence of young women who are chaste and pure. Having seen things that I ought not to have, I feel that I have taken away the privacy of the young women around me.

I am a Christian and I firmly believe that all men are accountable for their own thoughts and actions. I have confessed to an authority in my church and I have been working hard to halt this dark temptation, instead of hiding it. Since I am in my youth I am not married- So I have talked about my problem with my mother, and she has been working with me to help me control this temptation.

Something else that has added to this is that when I was a child I was sexually- abused. This has been the cause of a lot of fatigue and difficulty. Brous'n around on the internet I have found some resources about the subject, but I am still looking for more. If you happen to know of any good links on the subject, tell me about it. I have not gone to any counseling for this yet and I would like to get the advice of a few people so that I know if I really *need* to go.

I am also interested in finding a way to ban the 'bad' stuff on the internet. I know that it's just about impossible but where there's a will there's a way!

My own struggle with pornography began when I was 12 or 13 years old, and became worse after my father died when I was 13 and we were "allowed" to inherit his collection of pornography. When I went to college and discovered adult book stores, this struggle intensified, and becoming a Christian at 19 did not automatically solve the problem. I am now 29 years old, with two children, and I struggle as hard as ever with this issue. Recently, my wife committed herself to attending church with me at an Evangelical Free Church, which was a big step for my family. This has caused me to be accountable in a new way as the head of a household that is seeking after the Lord. I feel the closer I come to the Lord, and the more I do in the church, the more temptation I have felt for the pornography, and the new connection to Internet has been an added temptation as I explore areas of the Net where I don't belong! After I have read some of the other responses, I feel confirmed in what the Lord has been leading me to do, which is to talk to my Pastor and get hooked up with some kind of accountability....

I'm going to attempt to provide a slightly different slant on pornography. I believe it's too easy to refute a religious opposition to pornography, although for ME that is very important, all YOU have to do is say "I don't subscribe to that religion", and the arguement is dead. Let me try to introduce you to what I call the common sense arguement.

When I was 14 years old I was riding my bicycle across an open field on my way home from school and found a copy of a pornographic magazine. That discovery introduced me to masturbation and eventually fornication. The addiction has never left me, even into my marraige. If fact, marraige has amplified the problem many-fold. I am beginning to get the problem under control by using very drastic measures. For example, I voluntarily gave up my access to our bank account. I have no way to withdraw or spend money at all. That is extremely drastic, but it has worked, no money, no ability to participate in the "action". Surprisingly, when I know I can't go to the girly bars, or other places because of a lack of money, the desire is slowly diminishing. That brings me to a very important point, I believe the mind is an entity that needs food. Whatever you choose to feed the entity becomes the appetite. The mind begins to crave the food, and when suddenly it no longer has the ability to eat that type of food, it begins to look elsewhere for gratification.

Thought is the root of all action. Every premeditive murderer fed his mind with fantasies of the act first. Every rapist mulled over the act in his fantasies, and rapists are notorious for a huge appetite for pornography. If you can control your mind, you have true control over your life. Pornography is at the root of the following deviant actions: Rape, Sodomy, Adultery, Beastiality, Nechraphelia(sp?), and pedophelia. I challenge you to find one person who has participated in any of the above, that did not participate in pornography. To sum up the common sense arguement, if porn is the food the mind uses to become involved with so many deviant, twisted, behaviors, than why should I be a part of pornography? Would I have participated in the years of masturbation, and fornication if I had not participated in porn? NO! To those that would say, "well you never raped anyone, what you did wasn't that bad", I reply, my life has been cheated from me. I could have spent the last fifteen years doing much more productive, mind expanding activities, rather than being consumed with porn. Who knows what I could have become?

I read your web page on pornography addiction today and really appreciated it.

I am a 22 year old female, and my 23 year old boyfriend is addicted to pornography. The first time I knew about it was when I came across a big organized file of pictures saved on his computer. I was devastated and felt like I had been cheated on. When I confronted him about it he got angry that I had been *snooping* on his computer, but I feel like deep down he was probably embarrassed.

Finally he said the pictures weren't worth the trouble they caused our relationship and threw them all away, but that didn't matter because I knew he still looked at them, and that still hurt. When a guy looks at those kind of pictures, it makes women feel like they must be inadequate in some way. That is how I felt, despite the fact that my boyfriend told me how much he loved me and that the pictures didn't matter.

I graduated last spring form college and he still has a year left. He admitted to me that he has been looking at the pictures on the net this summer. We got into a big fight and I presented so many moral and intellectual reasonswhy looking at the pictures is wrong, but he refused to listen at first. Finally he admitted I was right and said he would give up the pictures. The problem is, yesterday he said that he has not been able to resist the temptation. After reading your page, I realized he is addicted and I don't know what to do because I don't want to be with someone who looks at those pictures.

He says that when I nag him it only makes him want to look at the pictures more becuause it reminds him of them. He thinks that if he ignores the problem it will go away, and that is how he wants to deal with it. I don't think that is healthy or that it will work! I told him about the page and he is going to read it.

I really don't understand why he feels the need to look at the pictures! I think that the pictures are really degrading towards all women in society. The naked body is private and personal, but these pictures send the message that it is a man's right to invade women's privacy for their own pleasure. It reduces women to objects and that causes all sorts of other problems in our society. Not to mention that the pornography industry sends the message that the only way a woman to make big money is by exploiting and selling her body, but that is only for the women who live up to society's strict standards of the beauty ideal! It makes me so angry.

I don't know what to do about my boyfriend. I don't want to be with someone who looks at pornography for his own selfish interests. But at the same time I want to try to support him. What if he can't get over it? I can't live with the kind of disrespect pornography represents.

What can I do? Ignoring the problem won't work and that is what he wants to do!

I am the wife of a husband that led me into pornography. I remember crying at the first movie he took me to, after that, I thought it was my "wifely duty" to do all he wanted me to do. Because of my own desire to please and be accepted, I used my body to get both of these needs met. With my response of "yes" to my husband, I realize what I thought was love and being submissive, was not. This addiction destroyed so many blessings for us. Both of us committed adultery, which is often times a by product of pornography. Crazy as this may seem, my reasoning was, I wanted to have another child.

We had a 5 year old son, but, feeling totally unloved, I needed to be loved as well as express love, and this is how I thought I could get these needs met. My energy to continue in the pornographic actions my husband thought he need was gone. My plan was to go to another man, receive some type of love and acceptance from this person, and get "energized" to go back into doing the pornographic acts for my husband. This was my choice...and, I don't have to tell you how foolish it was. I actually told my husband what I was doing, maybe to rationalize and ease my own guilt. He was pretty much oblivious to what I was saying.

Soon this other man was expecting me to do the same things to him as my husband. Tired of the whole foolish experience, I wanted to end what was going on. I won't even merit what I was involved in as a "relationship" because it wasn't. The other man was not ready to end this, I continued and soon became dependent on him. THEN he ended the game. I was devastated. My husband overheard a conversation on the phone we were having, and he was furious. You can only imagine what went on. This all happened within three months. I went back to my husband, performed how he wanted me to and became pregnant with our second son.

I know this may sound really cruel, but, one day...after feeling so repulsed by my own self and actions, I just refused to go through with anymore of the garbage. Being pregnant did not lend itself to the perversion...I was carrying a sweet, innocent child and I began to want something better for him as well as my five year old. After his birth, I came home to find a porno magazine hidden under our mattress. This really hurt me. The years following were the worst in my whole life. I had no energy or appetite for pornography. Any energy for life came from being involved and raising our two sons. But, as they got older...this energy began to wane. I found myself in the same place as before, wanting to be loved and accepted and please someone, but, not through pornography.

My life was filled with "religious stuff." Reading the Bible, going to Mass, confession, praying the rosary, teaching CCD...on and on it went. I went from one end of the spectrum...sin, to the other end...self-righteous. Both were ways I chose to run and escape from what I really needed. Being tempted again to get into adultery...I just took a good look at myself. I couldn't go back to that again, and, yet, I couldn't go forward, getting into all the self righteous doing, either. Both were sapping my energy to live, actually I felt like I was dying, but, not from a medical disease. I was dying from a spiritual disease. All I did was cry and complain.

My husband and I were going to a Catholic marriage counselor allot of things were being brought out into the open, but, still something was missing. It was spring and I was doing the usual yearly cleaning in the house with the radio on. It was on a station I was tired of hearing so I flipped from AM to FM...little did I know, this was a Christian station. Day after day for hours I heard about God sending His Son, Jesus Christ to us and His blood, shed on the cross, paid the full price for our sin. I had been to confession over and over and walked out feeling better, but nothing really made a difference.

It was like doing the same thing over and over, without any reason, just doing it and feeling a bit relieved, but, still having the same problem without any alternative. When I heard this message coming from the radio, my ears were attracted to it, my heart wanted to hear the message. What was being said was that Someone loved me so much, they gave their life for me so God the Father could base my forgiveness on what HE, Jesus Christ did, and not on my own self effort, which I was getting exhausted doing. Then, one of the speakers said, "If you've never trusted Christ before, do it today." For the first time in my life, I heard truth that really made sense.

One night, I knelt by my bedside and I told God, "I'm laying all my cards on the table, Lord. I don't understand everything that I am hearing, but, I trust Your Son, Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of my sin and I ask Him to come into my heart." Something happened within me...like a book that has two stories in it...one starting from the front to the back and the other starting from the back to the front. I felt like God, the Lord Jesus Christ, picked that book up, turned it over, and started a whole new life for me. He spoke to my heart and said that everything was going to be okay.

My husband thought I was crazy, he still does. We are not of the same belief. Since this moment with Christ, I tried to explain to my husband what I was being shown, but, he thinks it's some kind of game or trap. So many times I've lost my patience with him, especially when our sons began their teenage years because he wanted them to learn about sex the way he did, I guess to have them on "his side." The Lord has given me so much energy and strength...especially to speak boldly to my sons about my past and explain to them, through Jesus Christ, I was saved out of the darkness.

We are no longer apart of the Roman Catholic religion and I am no longer escaping through self-rigteousness because the righteousness of the Lord lives in me through the gift of God, grace, through faith, and the HOly Spirit is guiding me into God's truth, the Scriptures and reminding me of His Word and giving me the power and strength to let His Word in me grow and bloom and bear fruit, translated out into my life to give Him the true honor and praise and worship He alone is worthy. He has taught me about marriage and intimacy and children and family. In a sense, He is marriage...He is the oneness and intimacy mankind, through Jesus Christ has with God the Father. Our marriages on earth are to reflect this as a symbol and a reminder to us, of Christ and His love and oneness with us.

This oneness bears fruit...the fruit of children and the fruit of joy to be one with Christ being our common bond and God the Father accepting and loving us both because of the bloodshed of His Son, Jesus Christ, and His resurrection gift of the Holy Spirit. We, who are in Christ don't need outward stimuli to excite us and turn us on anymore. We are new creatures, bought with a price paid by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God. God accepts us and loves us because of Christ and this joy is made complete when we accept Him and bond together with others who believe.

This bonding between husband and wife is the symbol of Christ's love for His Bride, the church as written in Malachi 2:15 and Ephesians 5:21-30. These verses are the pictures that we have now that excite us to be together in intimacy with our spouses, the old ones of pornography are long gone...as the Lord God tells us..."as far as the east is from the west." These new pictures Jesus Christ bought for us with His life and we are blessed when we have oneness with husband and wife when our energy and motives of the heart He has cleaned comes from these pure and holy pictures. My husband says I am crazy. He says, "No man can get excited to be one with his wife based only on that." He tries to tells his sons I am crazy (please pray for us) but, I know...these are the pictures of God's will for us, and are to be what brings us together as husband and wife...in spirit and in flesh.

I know this is lengthy...but, as I began to share and remember, I could not stop. God is to be praised, worshiped and glorified for He truly loves us. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember this, especially knowing now what He has shown me and not having my husband willing to surrender to Him. This hurts so much...but, I would rather know the LOrd then not, for He truly is our God, and Father, King, Messiah, Ruler...and for His Bride, He is her Husband...who she waits for, to return.

I am 31 years old and have a beautiful four month old daughter. Where I come from, pornography is not legally available, but you can get your hands on the stuff if you really want to, and know where to go. That makes it a bit easier to resist temptation than in America, but not much so.

You don't really need pornography to lust in your heart after women. Looking at advertisments or even women in the streets can be a problem, if your heart is not right before God, and you have not been convicted of your sin and determined that you would obey God rather than your evil desires. It does not take much to mentally undress someone whom you have lusted after in your heart. Who needs pornography?

I have struggled with this sin for a long time, way before I got married. In fact, I once asked my wife (before we were married) to watch a pornographic movie with me. She did not much like it. I have long since gotten rid of my videotapes, thanks to the grace of God. We did have premarital sex, and I had sex once with a prostitute when I was 18, but we have sought God's forgiveness with tears and he has graciously forgiven us. He has blessed us tremendously despite our sins against him. It is encouraging to know that men (and women) all over the world are struggling against sexual sin, and some are encountering victory.

I've stopped procuring pornography through the net, by the grace of God. I never could look my baby daughter in the eyes after I had just done so, and I think of how I would react if I found her submitting to the acts which I submit women to in my fantasies. God gently points out to me how great my hypocrisy is, and once I was overwhelmed with a great fear of the Lord in the Biblical sense of the word (Heb 10:26). There was a point where I was ready to give up my Internet account just to avoid having access to pornography and titillating descriptions of prostitution, but I admit I may still have to do so.

Thanks to your article, I confessed my sin (of downloading pornography) to my wife, and she has forgiven me. I have also asked her to be the person I have to be accountable to. I have not yet gathered the courage to ask a male Christian friend for support and help.

How to stop? I've come to realize recently the difference between justification and sanctification. Justification is when Jesus Christ has already forgiven you of your sins and you are made righteous before God, as though you had never sinned. Sanctification is that process of making us holy as God is, and is the work of the Holy Spirit, although it requires our participation as well. And how are we sanctified? Through the word of God. It struck me with full force one day - we can use the scriptures to counter the attacks of Satan, just as Jesus did. We just need to repeat them to ourselves that much more often.

What verses help? For me, Job 31:1 - "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl". Also 1 Peter 2:11 - "Beloved, I bessech you as aliens and exiles to abstain from passions of the flesh that wage war against your soul." There are&127 many more, but you get the idea.

I don't know how Biblical this is, but I think the struggle against sin itself pleases God, because he knows we are putting him first. As a preacher once said, there are opportunities that occur only on this side of heaven, and to deny ourselves in order to please God is one of them.

Yes, I still fall quite frequently. I have experienced periods of victory now and then, and I praise God for those times. I still lead myself into bondage now and again, but I trust God that he is still working in me and in the hope of his glory that shall be revealed in me one day.

My addiction to pornography started when I was about 12. My friend showed me some magazines his father had, and soon I was searching for graphic pictures all over the place--in movies, in magazines, and especially on some local BBS's. Now, at 18, the temptation is worse than ever, although I believe that with God's help I can resist it.

Over the years, my relationship with God has been...well, not as good as I would have hoped. I now believe that my distance from Him and my lack of spiritual growth is a direct result of pornography. But within the last year and a half, God has really been working in me to help me with my problem. Let me illustrate:

I have known the destructive power of pornography since its onset in my life. Because of that knowledge, I have always hated myself for what I do. I have repeatedly asked God to help me, and he has and he is. The first answer to my prayer came after I had earnestly prayed for help. The following day (this was more than a year ago), my roomate discovered my "addiction." Needless to say, pornography was absent from my life for the duration of that roomate's stay. Well, unfortunately, the temptation was too great for me when I had no accountability, so I fell into the trap again. Despite that, I really felt after that incident that God was answering my prayers and was willing to help me.

The year following was full of failure for me. I had returned to my obsession, craving pictures and sexual gratification every day. It seemed during that period in my life that the whole of my thoughts were devoted to this addiction. It was depressing to think of all the positive things I could have done instead of spending the hours in my room. Following each "session" with pornography, I would become increasingly depressed, feeling that I could never pull myself out of the rut I was in. Now, I know just how depressing that thought is, because there was no way I could do it with that mentality. I needed my God's help; *I* could not pull myself out. With each passing day, my depression deepened, and my hope diminished, until finally I declared that "I can NOT break the habit, therefore I will accept it as part of my life." What a powerful, destructive force is Satan.

My depression was aggravated when I thought about myself--almost a third of my 17 years were a waste due to my reliance on pornography. And I say reliance because, for me, pornography was a way to a fill a void in my life--my lack of self confidence. After this self-examination, I again attempted to break the cycle, this time unconsciously. I realized that I could not accept such a dark, sinful part of my life as the norm. In my desperation, I allowed my father to discover the pornography on my computer. His discussion with me sparked a new hope in my life. He told me that what I experienced he also experienced, and that it was a life-long addiction, a spiritual battle of the bloodiest sort. He prayed for me.

The next week in church, his prayers began to develop into a plan devised by God. At my Christian Education class, we watched a movie on the destructive and drug-like characteristics of porn, and it struck home. Since then (about 3 months ago), I have fallen once again. I had just graduated from high school and thought that it would be much easier to "do it myself" than to rely on God. I had the mistaken idea that a roomate was the answer--there would be no privacy, hence no pornography. Wrong again.

It was at this time, acutally yesterday, that I discovered your page (while searching for pornography). It was so encouraging to read all the messages and find that others care about me so much. I'm not one to cry often, but after reading all the messages, I was bawling. The messages were so emphatic in stressing the importance of accountability, and I had none. After reading the page, I prayed again, this time that I could not solve the problem myself, and that I needed Him. I also prayed that I would have the courage to tell a peer my problem.

That night, God performed a miracle. I went to the Campus Crusade meeting here at Cornell, and God directly answered my prayer. The message yesterday evening was on truth, and the need to repent in order to find God's grace. It applied directly. Afterwards, the leader suggested that anyone who feels the need to confess a sin do so, in front of the 150 person, co-ed group. I cried when the people began confessing all the things that were so close to me--lust and pornography. I confessed my sins to a group of about 6 other men who are now going to help me fight this addiction. PRAISE GOD!

I am free today for the first time. God has empowered me in this battle. I know it will not be easy, but God is on my side. His words are my weapons: "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7. I really believe that the answer to this devestating sin is to humble (submit) yourself before God. Put the problem on his shoulders; you CAN'T battle the devil alone.

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