PORNOGRAPHY UPDATE 02-2005

It's been a while since I have updated the pornography page. The emails have not tapered off since I originally posted the pages a few years back. Still today Pornography is the number one subject I get emails regarding. Usually most of the emails are the same. They are believers who feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit on their lives and they realize that in some way its hindering their walk with God. Regardless of what the world tells you or how you might lie to yourself, the true believer knows deep down its wrong. The Holy Spirit is speaking to you and the struggle begins. You struggle between your lust and sexual urges and that little voice in your head(the Holy Spirit I believe)trying to draw you out of it. Often times you fail and you give into your urges, and just like the Bible says, no matter how many times you pick yourself up and tell yourself you will not fall into that trap any longer you are like a dog that returns to your vomit. You give in. Your flesh wins the battle and the fellowship between you and God becomes severed.

Another common thread in the email's is that the devil or satan's power is to strong and that the devil somehow has you trapped. I hate to break this to you, but the devil has no real power over you. He can only entice your thoughts. He does not force himself upon you and make you view pornography. He can only entice you into something that you are already weak in to begin with. If the devil came to you and asked you to do a line of cocaine, most would refuse, cocaine has no power over you and you have no desire to try it. But the devil does not come to you with things you are strong in, he comes to you with things that he knows will ensnare you, he comes to you in areas of your life that you are weak. You have to remember Satan has been around a very very long time. We know through scripture that he was the most glorious angel that God ever created. We are not speaking of some bumbling idiot that has horns on his head and runs around with a pitch fork like Hollywood portrays. We are speaking of a angel that God made so glorious that the angel(Satan) began to think he was just as great as God himself. We are speaking of a creature that's intellect far surpasses yours or mine. I am speaking about a creature that has been around centuries and has studied you, and your ancestors. He is very crafty. He wants nothing more than to destroy you and steal away your destiny in Christ. The trick is, he does not take you forcefully, just as God does not make you forcefully believe in Christ. Instead Satan comes into your thoughts and he knows your weakness's, he has watched you since you were born. He knows a little nudge here, a little passing thought here is all it takes for you to fall into his trap and out of fellowship with the Lord. The Bible teaches us that if we resist the devil he will flee from us. It takes action from us. We must resist. God gives us a way out, but it takes action from us. Most of the time God will not do for you what He has given you the power and ability to do for yourself.

The Bible also says Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8). If you keep reading in James he calls the church sinners, to wash their hands and to purify their hearts. That book was addressed to believers in the church, not to the unbelievers or the unsaved. You see in James that you have to take action before God will draw near to you. First YOU must draw near to God, THEN God will draw near to you. You must take action. You have to realize that your sin not only hurts you and your walk with Christ but it grieves the Holy Spirit and cause's God to separate himself from you. Your sin is causing someone(God) that you are suppose to love before all others grief. Imagine if an action you were taking was hurting one of your family members whom you were very close too and loved dearly, would you continue to do the things that hurt that family member? Would you continue to do those things even if that person had to separate him or herself from you? Many Christians believe that sin is ok, or that they dont really have to deal with a certain sin in their life because Jesus died for them and they will be forgiven. That is true, but the Bible also says you must not only ask for forgivness but you must repent. Repent means to turn, to turn from that sin, to turn to the course that God has set up for you. You are not truly asking for forgivness if you keep that sin in your life, because you are not truly sorry. What you are doing is asking God to overlook the sin and to allow you to keep it in your life, and that is something He will not do. He did not send His Son to die on the cross so you can keep sin in your life, He sent his Son to set you FREE from sin. Besides do you really want to be seperated from God on this earth if you are believer? I know I don't. I can remember my life and my thought process before I became saved, and I can see the difference in my own life that God has made. Unbelievers have a hard time understanding that. They think you make your own destiny. The thing is I did that for 26 years and I dont want or need my own destiny, I want what God has laid our for me. I want the destiny that God is willing to give me, and I cant get that if I am constantly seperated from Him by my sin. Sometimes when I think about all God has done in my life when I gave myself over to Him I cant help but get excited about what's down the path. It does not come without trials or hardships, but I wouldnt trade any of it for my old life. I get this excitement of anticapations in my heart when I think about where I might go next, where my destiny will take me. The gains I have made in the last 7 years are extraordinary. Every facet of my life has been effected. But what if I would not have dealt honestly with my own addiction? What if I let it fester and overtake me the last 7 years? Where would I be?

Please don't take this the wrong way, I am not perfect. I still struggle today at times with all sort of trials. Recently my schedule changed and my wife and I have been working crazy hours. We have not been able to spend the time together that we normally enjoy. I felt like I was isolated and alone at times and thats when Satan starts to stir up those old thoughts and urges. Even now there are times when I struggle with pornography. The ironic thing is, I was making some serious headway with my relationship with God. I felt a real joy in my spirit this last month that I havent felt in a long time. I was drawing near, purposefully. I have found in the last few years of my life that whenever I start to mature in my faith and whenever God is about to do something different with me and take me to new levels that's when the enemy comes against my mind and the people around me more fiercly. I dont want to go into great detail here, but lets just say the last month has been interesting. A old friend turned against me, we had major difficulty with a business parntner, my hours at work went up, a loyal employee whom I relied on quit, and my old addiction popped back up to tempt me away from God. Several things happened that tried to steal my focus from God. At first its subtle and you dont realize the attacks, you blame the people. You get mad, you sin with your thoughts and your actions. Then I stepped back and examined what was happening in my life and I realized these situations are coming at me in a way that I knew God is testing me. I was failing. I wasnt fleeing from Satan, I was filled with anger at the people involved, and my fellowship with God was broken temporarily. While I am still dealing with these things right now and each situation must be handled differently to be resolved it helps to realize whats really going on and how I need to equip myself to get through these trials. I also realize that pornography will lead me to death. I can not allow myself to grieve God. I can not successfully get through these trials without God on my side. I might be able to seperate myself from God and bumble through everything, but to be successful I need God. And God will not be with me if I give into pornography. The devil knows this, and that is why those old thoughts started to creep back in. The thing is God has been building me up and maturing my faith, and while sometimes it might take me some time to figure out what's really going on in my life, I usually figure it out and get back on track. God knew I needed additional knowledge and He gave it to me(which I will explain next paragraph). Now while I still face these trials there is a sense of happiness about it. Because I know that if these trials are coming against me then that means I am being molded like clay by the Master potterer and I must make myself as pliable as possible and allow Him to work in me, I cannot allow sin and anger harden me. I must stay soft so He can work in whatever He is trying to mold in. Once I realized what was happening and I asked for forgiveness and repented I became excited because that means God is moving and working in my life something new. He is preparing me and equiping me for the next step in my destiny. And while I still face these trials as of today I cant help be excited at the prospect of what's coming next. Yes my anger is still arosed with my business partner occasionally, and I havent reconciled with my old friend yet, but I know that if I stay in fellowship with God and stay under His Will all these things will be worked out and I will be a better person in the end.

In reference to the above statement, one of the things God did for me recently was supply me with a new line of knowledge. I belong to a powerful evangelical church here in St. Louis. Recently we had a visitor with a strong annointing on his ministry. His name is John Bevere and he taught about drawing near to God and to really communing with the Holy Spirit. I was so drawn to his ministry I believe through the urging of the Holy Spirit that I devoured his teaching, I also bought some of his books and some of his dvd's. When the pornography urges started to creep back into my thoughts recently I become so angry at myself, I started to search for strength. I was in the middle of really drawing near to God and I broke down my fellowship with God through the disputes I was dealing with at work(which basically means I wasnt doing a good job at dealing with them) and with the urges starting to creep back into my life. I felt horrible with myself, and I knew I had broken down the fellowship that I just enjoyed a few days earlier. I was searching the Bible out but I felt like the knowledge was cut off from me. I was only becoming more confused with some issues. I logged on to www.johnbevere.org and surfed around the site. I came upon a dvd called Struggling With Sin. I ordered it without hesitation. I gained much knowledge from this dvd, and I have no doubt in my mind that God directed me. I was able to see through my problems and I reconciled with God right there in front of my TV late at night by myself on my hands and knees crying. Only God could have directed me to the exact sermon I needed to hear. But I will tell you this, I was crying out for knowledge. I had to make the move. I could have let my situations swallow me up, but I knew I had to take action. I also learned through John Bevere that not only was my sin causing me anguish it was causing God anguish as well. I never realized that before. I was always focused on myself. Amazingly twoards the end of the sermon John reveals that he too struggled with pornography, even while he was in the ministry. If you are stuggling with this sin I cant urge you enough to go and buy this tape and see for yourself. There is no doubt in my mind that I was destined to hear his message, and if you are still reading this there is a good chance you are destined to hear it as well.

As always feel free to email me. I enjoy hearing from others, and I am always willing to pray for you. Take care and God Bless..Brian

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